zen masters

There are a lot of places in this world, and when I try to think about them all at once, I get this weird feeling, and I can’t speak for several minutes, and if I do, it comes out all garbled, like Italian. This get me wondering, how can I think about a place that I’ve never been? Suck on that one Zen masters.

Nasty

The people around here like to say it’s nasty when it’s cold out, or when it’s rainy. I say, they are the nasty ones, for turning something so natural as the cold weather or the rain into something nasty. What would Freud say? I ask. What would Freud say?

the aliens did it

When ever I encounter an unexplained phenomenon, like a strange mist across the valley, or a pain in my side that causes me to cry out "Oh God!," or a dog roaming with a strange look on its face without a master down a dark street, I always say the same thing: "The aliens did it."