death bed

When I’m an old man, I’ll be a beautiful old man because I’ll laugh with a twinkle in my eye. I’ll have developed a great personality, with a beautiful, beautiful spirit. Then, when I’m on my deathbed about to die, I’ll look up and say “piss off all of you,” and pretend to die. I’ll lie there deathly still for ten minutes, stiff as a corpse. Then I’ll die for reals, and get stiff for reals, and become a real corpse, and it will be my private joke

the honest life

When I get up in the morning…heck, I won’t lie to you. I don’t get up in the morning. In fact, I’m still in bed, drinking whiskey in the buff and listening to the neighbors fight and hit each other. Man, it feels good to tell the truth, like an honest person.